Fred and Jonathan: Coaching session, part 1

- So, what I suggest we do is, we... Will review the whole story, but changing, I'd say the interpretation first, how we frame the story. And then, seeing what is possible to do when we look at it from another perspective. So that's a... Again, it's not magic, but sometimes, you look at something from one point of view, and, doesn't seem to be an exit. And then you look from the side, and, oh, there's a door or ... there's a path. So by shifting the perspective we might be able to see a different way to handle the conversation. Does that sound reasonable to you? - (mumbles) - Okay. So, let's put a name to this other person that we can refer. Not the real name but, how would you like to call...? - I'd say "Mike". - Mike, okay. So... And the manager, what's her name? Let's give her a name, again. - ... Jean. - Jean, okay. So, the first principle to reinterpret the story, is that, there are no things to do. So let's not use the language of "there are things to do, I have to do this, or--" The only thing that exists between human beings are promises, and commitments. And that, will... We'll frame the story differently, and then we'll see, then we see what we do with that. But first, let's just try that and see how that works. So, Jean asked the two of you, to redesign the website. And Mike and you said, yes. And when you said "yes" you made a promise, to Jean, that, in three months, we'll deliver this website to you, and it will look more or less like this, with some quality, and some content, and, just the specifications. Those, we're going to call them the Conditions of Satisfaction. You say, "Yes, I promise to-- we promise, both of us, together promise," and, Jean said, "That's acceptable, fine." So, it's like you signed a deal: you made a deal, you have a contract, in three months, we have to deliver, and the work process is that, Mike would work first, and then you would be ultimately delivering, but it's the work product of the two of you. Is that a fair... - Yeah. - ...interpretation? That captures the essence of the ... story. Then you and Mike got together, to plan the work, and that was the first month; "What do we do," and so on and so forth, and you... You came up with a design where, he would work the second month, and deliver something to you. So in a sense, you made a request, you made a deal with him, saying, "Mike, you're going to work for the next month, I commit to finish the project in the third month, but, in the second month, you will do X, Y, and Z, and deliver this revised content and graphics to me, so I con do the final design and deliver the website to Jean by the ... deadline." - [Jonathan] Uh huh. - And Mike said, "yes." Is that--? I mean, I don't know if this exactly happened like this, but, we can interpret it like that. Although you probably didn't do it very explicitly. - Yeah so... Yeah, that happened, that was the right sequence... We did... The first time we sit down, we'd set up, kind of the roadmap, and then-- But it was in... We both agree on delivering on those days. - Yes. - Mm-hmm. - But that's where I want to challenge you. You see, the language of "roadmaps," and "we both agree," is weak. So it doesn't give you the chance to challenge Mike. You say, "Well I checked in, I tried," but, certainly that process failed, 'cause you didn't get the result you wanted; he didn't deliver in time, you were surprised that he didn't deliver on time, and the best thing you could do is take on the work, but by the end of the second month, you were already stressed. The guy defaulted, he let-- he let you down. You didn't find out that he was going to let you down until it was late, and then, you essentially, had to put it on your shoulders and carry the weight. And then, you suffered, your other projects suffered, probably the people that were waiting for those other projects are compromised, too. But, we'll come back to that. But, I want to show you how this language of commitment changes things. So let's go back in time, to the, end of the first month, where, let's say you're going to be Mike. I'm going to play you, I'll be Jonathan, you're Mike, so I'll give you the easy part. (Jonathan laughs) You're Mike, and, we just worked for a month, and we made the ... schedule, and the work plan, and we all agree, and da-da-da. So, all that, I'd say, is the same. But I'm going to do something I'm sure you didn't do, because of the way you tell the story. So, I'm guessing, I'm not sure but I'm, I have a pretty educated guess that you didn't do what I'm about to do now, and we'll see what difference this makes. - Okay. - So, Mike, I just want to make sure we're on the same page, as we finish with this planning and the schedule. What I understand now is that, you promise that in a month, you will deliver, all the revised content to me, and the graphics, that you will have checked, and, will be clean so for me to use as the material for the website. Am I understanding you correctly? - Yeah, I promise that, it'll be ready. - Okay. Let's pause there. Now if you're Mike what are you thinking? - Oh... I think that the word "promise" is kind of... Is different from, the work lingo? - That's exactly my point. I want you to feel like, (grunts)! I mean, this is not a guarantee that you will deliver, but, now you are a little more... I would say, involved in the process. Your integrity's at stake. 'Cause you just said "I promise," "yes I promise," and... A promise is a little more than, "well there's a deadline," or, "there's a schedule that has to be fulfilled," or an action item.