Fred and Jonathan: Coaching session, part 2

- The engagement of people's integrity and the issue of your word is very significant. And I can make it heavier, now that was light, but I'm going to, because I know that people don't have this practice, I would say something more, because I would assume that you as Mike are not aware of the implications of making a promise. So let's go back and now I'll push it a little more. I want to feel how progressively you feel more and more like, this is like serious, I can't just default on this. So we'll go back and say, so Mike, anything can happen. I want to make an agreement with you, but if at any time you feel you will not be able to deliver on your promise, for whatever reason, you let me know right away and we'll reschedule things. But I'd be really upset if by the end of the month, you just don't deliver, because then you're screwing me. It's not just that you can't do it, you are lying to me, you are deceiving me and you are dishonoring your word. Essentially you are saying, "I lied to you". - Mmhmm. - You are misrepresenting the fact that you're not on track by not telling me anything. So god forbid, it happens, and if it happens, then I'd like you to come back and tell me right away so we can go talk to Jean and say, you own it, I mean you essentially are not able to finish on time and we need to push back the schedule so I still have a month. I don't want to end up holding the bag, is that acceptable to you? - Yes, yes. - Okay, let's pause. How do you feel now? Now you're Mike. - Yeah that was... - How likely you are to come to the end of the month and say, oh I just couldn't do it. - Yeah, I don't think that will happen, I like the way it was delivered, it's like I'm just being honest, you know can you do it, and if not you let me know because otherwise you're dishonoring your word. Which again is very unlike what you will say in a meeting. - Yes. - So it's very personal. - I wanted to feel how that changes the whole conversation, it is exactly very different than what people say at work, but the truth is that this is personal. You and I are working together, we're making promises to one another and that's how we coordinate our action on how we get stuff done. If I can't trust you and you can't trust me, we can't cooperate, it's just a mess. So preparing the conversation and letting the other person because this is not standard, it's a very good way to minimize the chances that this will happen in the future, by establishing this, the technical word would be meta agreement, it's an agreement on how we hold each other accountable in our agreement, it's a process agreement so to speak.