Fred and Jonathan: Coaching session, part 4

- Let's take a look at how Jonathan can address the effectiveness dimension, of a broken commitment. - And let's say they, they say that you know, they messed up, and they apologize. - Okay try it, let's try it. So Mike what happened? I mean you, we can get later into, could you have done it not but, I don't, I don't understand why you didn't call me? - I understand, it was my bad, my fault. I should've done the work, and I didn't do it. I really apologize. - We're still not understanding one another. I am not saying you should have done the work, I don't know. Maybe the other projects were more important. What I'm saying is, you should have called me, and decide with me, how do we change the schedule? That's my complaint, not that you didn't do the work. I don't know if you should've done the work. We haven't gotten there yet. But I'm trying to make a more fundamental point. For you and I to be able to work together in the future, we have to trust each other. And if you tell me that when you can't do the work, you're not going to call me, I can't trust you. - So how do you-- - You see the difference? - I wish you would've called me the moment you had another project come, and you couldn't do this, you would've called me that day, say Fred, sorry you know, sorry I can't, or Jonathan, sorry, I can't do this project, this came up, what are we going to do? I want to let you know, I apologize, I don't know, something like that, we can discuss that later but at least call me. - How do you want me to help you now? - Okay. Well, how long will it take you to do it now? - Uh, probably a week. - So if you dedicate fully, you think in a week you can have this, this ready? - Yeah, I think so. (sighs) - If you can do this in a... I'll play two sides. First I'll be the easy one, but I want to make it a little harder, but let's start with the easy. The easy thing would be for me to say, If you can deliver this in a week, I can change my schedule, and I can finish the rest of this project in three weeks. I can push some things early to this week, so I free up my time in the next three, and nobody will know that there was any glitch in the process, but I need a firm promise that a week from today I will have a quality product in my hands to be able to deliver in three weeks. Is that okay, can we do it like that? - Yeah, sounds like a plan. - Okay, so now we have a new promise. I'm going to rely on that, okay. That would be, that's how I, that would be the easy one. Easy, because it doesn't require much. You say a week, I accept a week. But let's just say I need four weeks. I won't be able to do it in three weeks. Or some other projects will suffer, so now I'm going to push it a little more. I say Mike, I you know, in a week, then we're going to be a week late, which is okay, but I don't want to end up holding the accountability with Jen for being a week late, because we are going to be a week late. But it's because you haven't delivered. So I would like the two of us to go to see Jen, and renegotiate the deadline, because you couldn't do the work. Because she's the one that really holds both of us accountable, and the one that's defaulting is you. So just like you're apologizing to me, I'd like you to apologize to her, explain what happened, and I'll be with you, and I'll be amenable, and if she says why can't you push it to three weeks, I'll explain. Essentially I'd like you to take ownership of the breakdown. Are you willing to do that? - Sure, yeah. - Okay, let's call a meeting with Jen and we'll go together and you know, this surprise will be between us, we don't need to clear that with Jen. But certainly the change in the schedule is something I'd like you to own. Okay, let's pause. What do you think of that? - Yeah, I think just adding that, you're kind of escalating the... You know, you're being reasonable, it's like okay I take you on that new word, but because we're going to be late, let's escalate that so the manager knows that you know-- - Exactly, you see I'm doing, I want to do with Jen, the same thing Mike didn't do with me as Jonathan, so I'm playing you but, but in a sense, it's a cascade of defaults. Because when Mike doesn't deliver to you Jonathan, you and Mike won't deliver on time to Jen. And if you don't say anything to Jen today, you will be doing to Jen the same thing that Mike did to you, because you don't have to do this project, you made a promise to Jen to do this project. And at this moment Jen believes that the project will be delivered on time, because she trusts your word. The moment you find out that your promise is in jeopardy, but then you have to go and apologize, and explain to Jen what happened, both of you. But the truth is that the person that's creating the breakdown is Mike, so it's reasonable that he own it. Not you pointing fingers, but he acknowledging look this happened, and I couldn't do it, and I defaulted, I apologize. Jonathan will deliver on time, but he's starting a week late, because I didn't give him the project I mean it's a, it's a way that he can maintain his dignity. He has to take the hit, but he will keep his dignity. And you won't have to work like hell to cover up and put other projects late. I mean, you see all the cascade? Because now you're word is compromised with everybody else who thought you were going to deliver their projects on time and with quality. Because it's a cascade of defaults. And by allowing Mike to offload his default on you, you are in a sense transferring part of the cause to all your creditors, all the people that trust you to deliver with higher quality in time. And you don't want to do to them, what Mike did to you. But the first thing is the awareness that wow, you live in the middle of a chain of commitments. People make promises to you, you make promises to others, they depend, and think of it as a real network of commitments. And every time some thread of this network gets loose, everything suffers, because everything gets unstable, and like it's all wobbly, because you have to reallocate the effort, and time and resources it's like... So it's hard to live like this, but it's very effective. Tell me what you think. I mean, I see you're like smiling and-- - No, it makes uh, a lot of sense because you know, in a way Mike is only apologizing for my project, but then I have to go and apologize to all these other people, and they don't know that you know, my project was affected because of Mike. All they care about is that I didn't deliver on time, and that I'm you know, I'm the one looking bad. So yeah I mean that's, that makes a lot of sense. - Well, I would love to hear how things go when you, when you try that. Perhaps doing a debrief with Mike, and discussing what happened, how will we do it better next time? Really emphasizing that there's no excuse not to let you know. It's very different than delivery. Honesty and integrity are moral dimensions. Performance and delivery are practical dimensions. They're both important. But in the practical dimension, there are reasons for promises not to be fulfilled. Sometimes it's out of our power, or there are competing priorities, and something happens that we need to change the promise. But in the moral dimension there's no excuse not to do it explicitly. Call people, explain, apologize, renegotiate, minimize the consequences of the breakdown, and take care of the relationship. That is the ultimate, I would say the ultimate gesture of integrity. I will not let you down. I will not surprise you, so if I promise something to you, you don't have to watch your back, because I'll be watching your back. That doesn't mean I'll always deliver, but I will never, ever come the last moment to surprise you with a default. And that creates a completely different relationship of trust between people. - Yeah, be honest. - Exactly. Thank you. It was great talking over things. - Yeah, thank you.