From the course: Time Management Tips

When others fail to keep their commitments

From the course: Time Management Tips

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When others fail to keep their commitments

- I believe the most important rule of success is to do what you say you will do when you said you will do it. However, from time to time it's natural for all of us, myself included, to fail to keep our commitments. What if someone does that to you? What is the most productive way to respond? If you're a manager with accountability for that person, I recommend you visit my course, Time Management for Managers, because the level of responsibility is a bit different. But here I want to talk about friends, family members, or even coworkers who don't follow through. It's frustrating for you when it happens. Here are a few things I keep in mind that might be helpful. First, don't take it personally. It's a normal human reaction to feel that we have been personally slighted when someone doesn't do something. Yet often, the reasons have very little to do with us and everything to do with what's happening in that person's life. The more you can remove yourself and your feelings from the situation and can focus instead on how to help that person, the easier you'll find it to be compassionate. This will make them more receptive to anything that you have to say. Second, separate incidents from patterns. An incident is something that happens once. In general, I try not to focus on helping someone improve their follow through when it's the first, and perhaps only, time they've missed a deadline. But if it's happened multiple times, this means there's a pattern, which implies there's a systemic issue causing them to do this over and over. These deserve our attention. Third, when talking to them, focus on actions and results, not assumptions. An assumption is telling the person that they're a slacker. I don't know that for certain. It would be accurate to say, "Hey friend, I've noticed over the last couple of months "there have been multiple times "when you haven't turned something in on time. "What can I do to help you keep your commitments "and make your job easier?" Stick to just the facts. After you state the fact, simply listen. Allow the person to think through what's happening. Don't rush them to an answer. In fact, if they can't come up with an answer, give them time to think about it. Finally, give whatever help they tell you that they need. It's important to get permission from them first. But if they're struggling in a certain area and they want some help, offer it to them. It may turn out that after doing all this, they still fail to keep their commitments. In that case, you can decide whether you want to continue relying on them for certain things. Yet by first taking a compassionate approach and by being a helpful resource, you can create an opportunity for the other person to grow while keeping your friendship and positive relationship intact.

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