Communicate effectively

- Communicating with emotional intelligence enables you to support employees while also ensuring that the work gets done. Just imagine how much easier life would be if we could read each other's minds to navigate the subtext of a conversation. I've been with my husband for more years than I've been without him in life, and I'd still absolutely love the power to read his mind. But until someone makes that brain chip, what can we do? Our number one challenge is to be empathetic. Before you even think about what you need to communicate, you want to get into a state of empathy. For those of us a bit more biologically challenged in this regard, a particular meditative process called the loving-kindness meditation, or metta meditation, has helped to literally transform brains into more compassionate, thoughtful ones. This state can then influence our communication. Practice it regularly. You can also help yourself to get into a more empathetic zone in the moment by looking at a photo of someone important to you before you have one of these conversations with someone, for example, about their wellbeing or their performance. Doing this typically releases oxytocin, which can give you that extra empathetic boost when you need it. You can also heighten your chances of an emotionally intelligent communication with a colleague by involving perspective taking. This is closely linked to empathy, but you can do some other practical things to help yourself. Practice stepping into different perceptual positions. This has been shown to increase abilities in this area. In the moment when you're with someone, it's essential that you learn to read their microexpressions and changes. Reading someone's normal tone of voice, their pitch, their pace, the facial expressions is the starting point. And then you look for anything that changes. You can't know what those changes mean, but you can notice them, and in time, they can help to guide you in your responses. The third opportunity available to you to improve your emotionally intelligent conversations involves reappraisal. You're accountable to others in your organization for a certain level of work. You need to deliver on particular things. You'll need to be skillful to know how and when to turn conversations with team members to matters of work if you've been speaking a lot about their wellbeing. On occasion, reappraising things that might previously have been considered challenging or outside a person's current abilities might become wise. But in order to go there, you need your empathy and perspective taken really up to scratch. Otherwise, you risk alienating a colleague who could really need your support right now. Communication is a skillset that needs intentional practice and development. Your own state can so easily knock good intentions off track. Remember to use all of your coping strategies to reduce any stress before attempting more complex conversations.