From the course: The Ultimate Guide to Professional Networking

Real connections: Generosity

From the course: The Ultimate Guide to Professional Networking

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Real connections: Generosity

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- If curiosity sets the table for any good conversation, then generosity is when the meal is served. I'm talking specifically about your generosity. Generosity is networking's second big hack. I want to explain and give you some important tips on how to employ generosity without making some common mistakes. First, once your curiosity helps you get a conversation going, and you know what this person does, that's your cue to start thinking, how can I help this person? That's where generosity starts. It's simply your helpfulness without any agenda whatsoever. It's completely outcome-independent. Before I give you the tips, you should know that generosity leverages one of the most proven principles of influence and persuasion. First identified and made famous by author Robert Cialdini, it's known as the rule of reciprocity. This principle is the universal tendency in human beings to feel compelled to repay or reciprocate when given a gift, or when they have been shown generosity of some kind. This is why restaurant servers who leave an after-dinner mint with the check get a larger tip, for example, or why you feel the impulse to have your neighbors over for a get-together after they've hosted you at their place. However, you need to be careful with your generosity while you're networking. I want to give you four tips to make this appropriate and effective. First, to activate your generosity, simply think of how you can help this person with a single tip, or perhaps you can make an introduction that's helpful to them. Or maybe just ask, is there a problem that you need solving? Second, avoid becoming the unwanted fixer. Someone who's solving a problem for a person who isn't necessarily looking for you to fix anything. Sometimes people just want to vent about their problem and you need to be attuned to the possibility and just listen, or continue asking questions. A realtor who's having a hard time selling a property, for example, doesn't need you to tell him to bake cookies before each showing. Ask about the market forces, ask about the lending environment, but don't try to hand out solutions reflexively. Next, think of someone you know who might be a good resource for this person. This can be even better than trying to solve someone's actual problem. For example, let's say that someone has a challenge with their marketing. You might ask questions until you realize that they don't have an effective system for paid traffic. If you know someone with expertise in that area, then you might say to them, "Have you met Debbie? She's really good with that stuff. I can introduce you if you'd like." You were curious, you listened, you found a pain point and then you offered a connection that could bring a solution without overstepping your boundaries or coming off like an uninvited know-it-all. Finally, if you happen to be an authority for the problem at hand, then of course you may be able to offer some help. For example, I'm an expert on IP law. So I'm happy to offer that kind of specific help on the spot. I might ask, "Do you want some quick input on that?" before offering the advice. Another master networker that I know leaves every conversation by asking, "Is there anything I can do for you right now?" That's a powerful way of ensuring that he's done his job, and it also leaves the door open if he's ever needed in the future. Be generous and watch your network grow naturally with seemingly no effort on your part.

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