From the course: Working with High-Conflict People as a Manager

Work story: How power structures affect the communication strategy when addressing high conflict

From the course: Working with High-Conflict People as a Manager

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Work story: How power structures affect the communication strategy when addressing high conflict

(upbeat music) - So one of the most difficult conversations you can have is when the power structure is such that you're at the bottom and someone else's higher than you. And most employees don't talk to their bosses by saying you're unapproachable. But what inspired me was that I had a vision for a new career and I already had my vision and my mission and that was to improve communication and relationships everywhere. I was going to name my business, I Care. And so it really challenged me to live from that place of, well, I can't talk to him now because he's higher than me. And after all, you can't reason with a rock. And as I got to thinking about that, I thought if I can't have a conversation right from where I am, it won't hold power later. Because the idea is that once I get the college degree, once I start a business, once I'm teaching other managers how to behave, then I'll have the authority. But the truth is we have the authority within. And so I just decided to approach my boss and to have a really difficult and honest conversation about his behavior. And when we had the meeting, he was defensive, which is common for all of us when we feel caught off guard. And I told him that it intimidated me and he said, "Well, no one can make you feel anything "without your approval." And I thought, okay, he's quoting Eleanor Roosevelt. And I said, "You know that's true, "but now that I've told you if you continue to do it, "you do it with knowledge." And that was the game changer because when we have real relationship with people, we have to give them the chance and the choice to clean it up. And I did that and I did it from a very pure place. And as long as I avoided, he was going to make an excuse about it. But the moment I brought it up and I was sincere about wanting a good working relationship, it actually changed his behavior. The keys for working with power structures are to remember that everyone is going to have someone equal to them, above them and below them, that's status. You're either a boss, a colleague, or an employee. That creates the perception of fear. So what you want to do is to remember that real relationships are based on honesty and helping each other grow. So when you start to view the other person as equal in value, it changes the conversation because instead of worrying about power structure, they're my boss, they're my colleagues, they're my employee. You start to look at the end result. Your focus is on improving the communication, improving the relationships, and improving the results. And that's what we're after.

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