The four building blocks: People

- Four building blocks create the foundation for successful communication: the people, the message, the context, and effective listening. The four elements are at play in every communication event, whether you're presenting in front of 1,000 people or making small talk with a coworker. When I'm coaching a client, I often ask, "What are some recent communication successes you've had?" Frequently the client will say, "I don't know, I don't really think about it. Communication just happens." Well, research shows that strong communication is the cornerstone for thriving businesses, healthy relationships, and your career success. Don't leave all of that up to chance. Before communicating, consider each of these four building blocks. As you walk to your next meeting, think to yourself, "Who will be there? What do I need to know about them? What kind of listener do I want to be right now?" Before you hit Send on your next email, ask yourself, "How's the timing of this email? Is email appropriate, or should I pop in for a quick chat?" You're making communication choices all the time. Be mindful about those choices. Let's begin by exploring the People building block. Whether you're the sender or the receiver of a message, it's important to think about the other person's perspective. For example, Tatiana and I need to edit some writing we've done. I send her an email saying, "Hey, you edit the odd chapters, I'll do the even ones. Let's finish by the end of the next week." Simple enough, right? I mean, what could possibly go wrong? Well, if I don't manage perceptions, the whole project and our relationship could blow up. I intended for this message to Tatiana to be helpful, to get things going. But the message might sound bossy or overbearing. Who am I to tell her which chapters she has to edit? My intent may have been helpful, but what was the actual impact? When deciding what and how to communicate with another person, consider the Think, Feel, Do model. What do I want Tatiana to think? Time to start editing. What do I want her to feel? Respected, treated fairly. And what do I want her to do? Get started. Now that I've thought of how I want her to feel, I might adjust my original wording from, "You do the odd chapters, I'll do the even," to something softer like, "To get the ball rolling, I suggest you edit the odd chapters, I'll do the even, but if you have something else in mind, please let me know right away." Communication gets tricky because all people have mental filters, certain levels of knowledge, personal concerns, or preconceived notions, that affect the way we interpret messages. Those mental filters dictate how we decode or understand a message. Think of a conversation you have coming up soon. What assumptions might your conversational partner have about you or the topic? What do you want the other person to think, to feel, to do? Let your answers inform the words, the tone, and the body language you use during the conversation. If you want to be a great communicator, begin with the People building block. Do your best to understand a message from the other's perspective.