The superpower of connection

- If you're feeling stressed, you're not alone. Years ago I worked in an extremely challenging job. It crowded out time for friends and family. Even at home, I was still thinking about work. I started not feeling well. To cope, I drank more coffee in the morning to keep me going, exercised in the afternoon to rev me up and drink alcohol at night to slow me down. Although I didn't recognize it at the time because I was almost always around people, deep down I was lonely. What I needed, what I was missing was connection. Connection is a positive bond between two or more people that's based on shared identity, empathy, and understanding. Matthew Lieberman, a neuroscientist at UCLA describes connection as a superpower that makes individuals smarter, happier and more productive. I'd like to tap into those benefits every day, wouldn't you? Connection makes us more resilient to face stress. When we're connected, we feel safer and calmer facing problems. That's because connection helps keep brain activity in the cortex region of the brain, where we make rational decisions rather than in the amygdala where we process threats. And when we feel connection, our body operates at a state referred to as homeostasis, another word for balance. Homeostasis means blood, glucose and oxygen are flowing to all the bodily systems at levels that promote good health. If connection is a superpower, disconnection is a super stressor. A high degree of connection is associated with a 50% reduced risk of early death, whereas individuals who are lonely or socially isolated have a risk of early death equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. When we're disconnected, stressors add up to the point that our body moves from homeostasis to a constant stress response. Blood, glucose and oxygen are over-allocated to the fight or flight systems like the heart, the lungs and the big muscles. That means not all of those resources can go to other bodily systems, including the digestive system, the reproductive system, the immune system and part of the brain. People start experiencing poor sleep, foggy thinking, more negative emotions than positive, such as anxiety and depression, unhealthy habits like ingesting substances that are addictive, sugary and high-fat food, tobacco, alcohol, illicit drugs. They also experience bad patterns, including obsessive media and internet use, gambling, sex ,exercise and overshopping. We have bills to pay, kids to put through college, expectations and deadlines to meet at work, so we look for ways to cope. To manage life's stresses, the better and healthier choice is to tap into our superpower of connection. Here's a tip. When you feel overwhelmed, talk through your concerns with a trusted friend to calm your nerves and shift your brain activity from the amygdala to the cortex, which will help you think more clearly and make better decisions. The bottom line is this. As humans, we're hardwired to connect. We all must be intentional about connection cultures, not just for our own sake, but also for the people we care about and the people we're responsible for leading or influencing at work.